To the Christian girl who feels all alone


I’m sure you would agree that lately, almost everyone you know is either getting engaged, married, or having a baby.  We are all at that age.  Literally dozens and dozens of my friends are in these stages of life right now.  Each day, there is a new announcement from someone regarding one of these wonderful life-changes.  But what if you are “that girl” who has not yet found your prince charming or had that baby of your dreams?  I will be the first to admit that it can be hard to feel happy for other people when you watch everyone all around you getting what you don’t yet have.  It can be frustrating, it can feel lonely, and it can lead you to start asking “what’s wrong with me?” but don’t even go there.  You should not be asking yourself “what’s wrong with me,” but instead, reminding yourself how much you are really worth.  The reason you are probably still single is because your standards are so high that few men can meet them.  Or you are too determined to let guys interfere.  You are waiting on someone who meets your ideals and is worthy of you.  Yes, good on you!  This is great – do not lower your standards for anything.  Stay true to what you believe and hold dear.  Do not let any man cause you to become something that you are not.  A strong, Godly man will not only meet your expectations, but he will likely exceed them, and will help make you a better person.  Do not lower your standards, and your sacrifice your dreams for a man who is not worthy of you.  Do not sell yourself short because you will regret it!

My story….

(I hope my little testimony will help strengthen your resolve to wait for a man who honors and adores you.  I pray that you would continue to see your worth and that you refuse to settle for anyone who fails to also see it and does not honor you as he should.)

I grew up in a Christian home with wonderful, loving parents who taught me about purity and trusting God in all things.  From the young age of five or six, I knew I wanted to get married and have a family one day.  This desire continued to grow, and deepen in my heart as the years went on.

When I became a teenager, I was surrounded by friends who were dating and breaking up.  Those desires to find my future husband were nearly overwhelming.  I believe those desires to be a wife and a mother were God-given and they manifested early because it was my heart’s desire.  But God told me to pursue only Him until He brought my husband into my life.  It was incredibly hard…especially when I would see fourteen-year-olds or “odd” kids with boyfriends.  I felt alone and unwanted so often.  I frequently asked that very question:  “what’s wrong with me?”  One day, I even asked God:  “If the sluts and even the ‘weird’ girls at school can get boyfriends, what is so dreadfully wrong with me?”  I was entirely not prepared for His answer.  He said:  “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you; it is not that boys do not like you or find you attractive, because they do, but it is because they are intimidated by you.  You radiate purity and self-assurance, and they do not know how to handle that.  Your very essence demands resect.  The other girls are ‘easy’ and simple, available for any man to take advantage of, but you are more complex.  Only the ‘right guy’ will have what it takes to pursue something so precious.  Do not settle for the just any ol’ guy.  What they have to offer is not genuine or lasting.  But the man who will love you forever, will do whatever it takes to pursue your heart.”

Even during the next few years, it got more and more difficult.  I was greatly tempted to just say “yes” to going out with some of the nice guys who asked me.  I ignored the weirdos, and those who were hardly what I deemed “husband material,” but the others truly were decent guys.  Despite if I liked them or not, I could not bring myself to ignore what God had said.  But what if I had heard wrong?  What if I was just wasting my time hoping for something that didn’t exist?  While I waited, I prayerfully created what I called “a husband list.”  This list was comprised of the qualities and attributes that I desired in a husband.  None of them were negotiable.  What started off as only seven or eight things suddenly became over forty.  Then I added another seven of “preferences” ya know, just in case God wanted to go all out for me.  People told me I was weird; that I was waiting for the impossible; that no man would ever fit that list; that I was asking for a perfection that didn’t exist.  But I was stubborn and refused to give up.  God put these desires in my heart for a reason and I would not give up until I had found a man who “fit the bill.”  I determined that when he matched that list, I’d know that he was the one God had for me.

When I turned sixteen though, I had all but given up.  So many of my friends were getting married and/or having kids and there I was just chilling, never even having been on a date.  I was alone and it was painfully obvious.  Like most girls my age, I came to the apparent conclusion that there were no more decent guys left.  They simply didn’t exist.  If they did, they were all taken—just look at my friends’ incredible, Godly husbands.  I wanted a man like them, but there were not any left.  I nearly said yes to one of my guy friends who was very interested in me, only because I was tired of being alone.  Even though he only matched 6 things on my list, I assumed he was the best thing that would come along.  I stopped, only because God spoke to me, reminding me that if I waited for His timing, I would not be sorry.  He assured me that the best was ahead of me and that I had not missed out.

I grudgingly agreed, trying to decide if I believed Him or not.  For the next eleven months, I tried not to even think of any guy I met as a potential match to my list.  Then, one June afternoon, rather against my will, I went on a mission trip to New York with my family.  That was when I met an incredible, faithful, Godly, nineteen-year-old ex-Amish man who charmed me to my core.  I was instantly attracted to him.  His chocolate-colored eyes, his thick Dutch accent, his rippling muscles, and his heart of gold.  In talking with him, I was astounded to discover that he met about thirty-five of the forty things on my list—and all seven of my preferences!  The closest any guy had ever come to matching my list was six!  But when it seems too good to be true, it usually is, right?  I tried not to get my hopes up, but I could not get him out of my head for a second.  Then, I remembered what God had said about waiting until He brought my future husband to me.  Was this brilliant, funny, and handsome young man His plan for me or was it just a false alarm?

After the three-day mission trip ended, we lost touch.  For months, I prayed, journaled, and continued to fall more in love with the man I had only known for three days.  It was so hard; I cried myself to sleep nearly every night, believing that he had a girl back home, but I trusted God despite it all.  Why was I so infatuated with someone I would never see again?  The Lord had told me clearly, not to contact him; that if there was to be any communication, it would be initiated by him, when God told him to contact me.  My hands were tied.  All I could do was wait, trust, and pray.  Then one day, four months later, he finally contacted me.

Two months after that, he asked me to be his girlfriend.  Within a very short amount of time, I learned that he not only matched every single one of the things on my list, but he had other attributes that I had not even written down on my list.  He was everything I had ever wanted…and so, so much more!  Sixteen months later, on my nineteenth birthday, he proposed.

Today, a mere year later, I am happily married to the man of my dreams—all because I waited for God’s timing and did not give up or try to make things happen in my own time.  Just like Ruth, I waited for my Boaz and cannot say how glad I am that I did.

Be encouraged!

I hope that, by sharing my story, it will encourage all of you other young women who feel the same way I did; who are tempted to give up in their search for the man of their dreams or those who believe he does not even exist.  I am here to tell you that, yes, he does exist.  I was where you are:  alone, doubtful, and fed up, but I kept going.  You need to keep going, too.  Continue seeking God, and trusting in His perfect timing—and I promise, you will not be disappointed.  As long as you trust in God and seek His face, He will give you the desires of your heart.  Don’t get tired of waiting like I did, instead, let this empower you and renew your strength and determination.  Do not ever think you are silly for desiring an incredible man—those are the desires God’s placed in you—reminding you not to settle for just anything that comes along.  You are a princess; a child of God, and you deserve the very best—don’t settle—allow God to bless you with His very best.  You will not be sorry!

One Comment Add yours

  1. Aunt "G" says:

    Great testimony. This is what our young people need to hear. May God bless your marriage


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