God loves sex!
Yes, that may sound odd, but honestly, let’s face it. He created it in its entirety. He imagined it and planned it. Sex is truly the greatest gift God has given mankind – and His design was to give it to a husband and his new wife. Sex between a loving husband and wife is the most passionate, purest display of love on Earth.
Are you ready for another truth-bomb? I believe that God designed intimacy between a husband and wife to be a pure reflection of His love for His people. God is overwhelmed by His love for us – we are His creations and He is enamored with us. I think He created intimacy between a husband and wife to reveal to us how powerful His love for His people is. In the Bible, He constantly compared married couples to Jesus and the Church. Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church….” I believe marriage is a representation of Christ’s love for the Church.
Furthermore, sex is the deepest form of “knowing” one another. No one on Earth knows me like Brian does, and no one knows him like I do. That is how it should be – that was God’s plan. But more awesome still, is that God wants to know us intimately. Not in a weird way, but He wants a personal relationship with us. Simply going to church each Sunday is not enough. He wants a constant relationship with us, day in and day out, not just visitation rights on Sunday morning. He wants to be our friend, our father, our mentor, our confidante, etc. Did you know that when the Bible was originally written in the Hebrew language, the word for “sex” was “Yada?” Yada: to know deeply, to know and to be known. Genesis 4:1 says, “Adam lay with his wife, Eve, and she came pregnant.” Other translations say that “Adam ‘knew’ (yada) his wife, Eve and she conceived.” Sex is synonymous with the word “know.” Again in Psalm 139:23, King David said, “Search my heart, O God, and ‘know’ (yada) me….” A deep knowing and respect. Yada is used many times throughout scripture.
I believe that each person is born with a fundamental need to be known. We come to find this intimate knowing when we marry our spouse. We know them deeply; inside and out, the good and the bad. I believe God is again using sex to illustrate how He knows us. Just as we know our spouse completely and still love them despite their flaws, God knows us deeply, and still loves us despite our shortcomings.
Can I go out on a limb here and say that sex is an act of worship? I know some may not agree with me, and that’s fine, but I believe that God wants us to enjoy intimacy with our spouse. As I said, sex is a precious, God-given gift that makes us feel complete and loved by our husband or wife. Not to mention the fact that God equipped us to enjoy the physical pleasure of sex.
Still not certain? Here is an example: If my mother gave me an incredible gift for Christmas – one that she was so proud of – and I all I did when I opened it was to mutter “thanks” and put it on a shelf never to touch it again, how would she feel? She gave me the perfect gift, and not only was I not thankful for it, but I stashed it away and hid it. But reversely, if I was as excited to receive it as she was to give it to me, and I so enjoyed playing with it all the time, and treasured it, that would be precious to her – my laughter and joy would be music to her ears. I believe sex is the same way to God. He crafted it and gave to us the most perfect gift on our wedding night, to be treasured. When we appreciate it and enjoy it, I think it truly blesses God’s heart. His design was to use sex to draw spouses together in pure love, and show us how much He loves us; so when we delight in our spouse and in His gift of intimacy, it pleases Him.
I think all too often, Christians view sex as dirty and bad – but let me ask you this – would God honestly create something so “dirty and bad?” If a husband and wife are an example of Christ’s love for the Church (God’s people here on Earth), and sex was meant to be a pure display of love between them, then how could it be “dirty and bad?” Sex in marriage is a blessing, and the sooner we understand that, the better our marriages will be, the less divorce we will see, and the healthier our families will be.
And besides all that, a child is brought into a family as a seed of pure love – proof of God’s perfect gift. That is lovely and good!
Why is sex so important?
Believe it or not, sex is the “glue” that holds marriages together. When two people have sex, more happens than just the physical responses. Each person’s body releases chemicals during intimacy. Dopamine is the addiction chemical – this same chemical is released in the brain when people do drugs, smoke weed, exercise, and have sex. This is why you literally become addicted to your partner – it’s the same as if you were addicted to drugs. Your body needs not only the physical release, but the mental release of dopamine as well. These addictive chemicals bind your hearts, bodies and spirits together in a very permanent way. This was God’s design for marriage – to permanently bind together a husband to his wife. But that is also why breakups, especially when sex is involved in the relationship, are so difficult; because you have become inseparable from your partner. Your body and brain is literally addicted to them, and to sex, and there is really nothing you can do about it.
Both people’s bodies also release Oxytocin during intercourse. Oxytocin is transported to, and secreted by, the pituitary gland, which is located at the base of the brain. This is another highly addictive chemical. Women’s bodies, however, produce far more of this chemical than men’s do which is why breakups tend to be harder on women than men. It is the same chemical that is released in a woman’s body when she gives birth and nurses her child – it literally causes her to be addicted to her baby so that she protects and takes care of it. In the same way, she becomes obsessed with her sex-partner. This is how God designed sex within marriage. He wants us to be addicted to our spouse – it is healthy to need them and desire them. But reversely, it is harmful, and sinful, to become addicted to someone, sexually, who is not your spouse.
Sex is the most intimate way of communicating. In marriage, sex is necessary. It is the epitome of love. It is yada – to deeply know and be known. It requires complete and total trust and 100% vulnerability – both of which are the very foundation of marriage. Without those fundamental key values, a marriage cannot prosper. Sex is the framework for your marriage – it is the root from which all things grow. If you have a healthy sex-life, everything else in your marriage should prosper. If love-making is a source of conflict in your marriage and creates division between you, look out. I cannot stress this enough: Intimacy is 100% necessary for a healthy, happy marriage.
Personally, I need those intimate times with my husband. They are very necessary for me to cope with life as they regulate my emotions and hormones. I can instantly tell if it has been a little while since we were intimate. I feel constantly exhausted, my temper gets shorter and shorter, I find it difficult to focus and concentrate, I feel distanced from my husband, I become highly emotional, and easily irritated. I need that regular assurance of affection, and for my love-tank to be filled. Without it, I feel tired and alone. This is God’s design – it keeps us needing to give and receive love, to and from, our spouse. What’s your ‘big yes’?