Why does God say “no” to pre-marital sex?
Honestly, pre-marital sex is just not worth it. Do not forfeit the entirety of God’s plan for you for a few minutes of temporary pleasure. But instead, wait for your future spouse, where you will have a lifetime full of love, intimacy, and happiness.
I cannot say how grateful I am that I waited for my husband. I cannot imagine the pain, the heartache, and the despair of having a partner before we got married. I cannot imagine having to tell him that he was not my one and only. Or having to get passed all of the pain, guilt, etc. Because we both waited until our wedding day, we can simply enjoy our marital bliss without painful memories from the past.
I have heard dozens of times, from countless men and women, that you cannot (without lots of help and grace from God) get past experiences and memories out of your mind. Middle-aged married women have told me that even after they got married, they still have flashbacks of their rogue teenage years while being intimate with their husbands. Memories, mental images, and experiences of their first sexual encounters when they were sixteen, still haunt them today. They hate how, as they lie there letting their husbands love them, their minds flash back 30 years ago and they inadvertently compare their husband’s performance with that of their past boyfriend’s. They cannot express enough, how much they regret not waiting. Some even find themselves on their wedding night, comparing their boyfriends of old, to their new husbands. What an awful way to feel on your wedding night! It then potentially makes for long, hard years of marriage as you try to get passed the sins of your past.
God says no to pre-marital sex because, He wants to spare you the pain and heartache that will follow sexual encounters outside of marriage. Like I mentioned in my last post, it binds you to someone who is not your spouse. Your heart, mind, soul, spirit, and body become addicted and dependent on someone who is not permanent. God intended that you only “know” (yada) one person deeply in an intimate way, not several partners.
And by the way, there is no such thing as “casual sex.” As I pointed out before, when you have sex, whether it be a one night stand or with your husband of 30 years, your soul, heart and spirit, have just made a commitment to that person with whom you just slept. Each time you have sex, even if it’s only a “friend with benefits,” your body still releases that Dopamine and Oxytocin – you cannot stop it. Those chemicals connect you to that person whether you want it to or not – it’s a body’s natural, inevitable response. It will happen every time. You not only lose your virginity, but each time, you lose a tiny (or huge) part of yourself to that person. And if you ever do decide to get married, you will only have a few small pieces left to give your spouse. That is not how God designed it. He wants us to fully and completely give ourselves to our husbands or wives – the ones we will cherish for the rest of our lives – not 5 different punks who picked you up.
Marital intimacy is the freest, purest love on the planet and God created it to be perfect. When sex is had outside of the marriage covenant, it lacks the beauty and purity that marital love does. Yes, it may feel good at the moment because the physical act of sex is happening, but it will not fulfill or satisfy you like making love to a spouse does. Fornication is a forfeit for God’s perfect design. It disguises itself as something wonderful, but afterwards, it destroys you. Many women have explained the guilt and the self-hatred they felt after having sex with a boyfriend – so much so that they vomited afterwards. In marriage, there is no guilt. Only unconditional love and acceptance. I can freely and joyfully make love to my husband, and even feel better about myself and our relationship afterwards, instead of trying to stomach the guilt, shame, and embarrassment. Is 10 or 15 minutes of pre-marital sex worth years of a guilt-ridden, miserable marriage? No, no it’s not.
God’s design was for family. He wants babies to grow up with stability, and a mommy and a daddy who love each other. But when sex outside of marriage occurs, a baby could be conceived. This not only puts strain on a relationship, but if they separate, there is no stability, no family unit, no loving mom and dad. It goes completely against God’s intention for marriage, children, and a family.
Pre-marital sex is going completely against His design. Ephesians 5:3 says, “Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.”
Is there forgiveness if I’ve made a mistake?
Of course there is! With God, there is always grace and forgiveness. It is very wrong, however, to do something that you are aware is wrong, knowing that God, in His abundance of grace, will forgive you – but He always will if we ask Him to. A dear friend of mine recently wrote, and published, a book called “Restoring the Lost Petal.” In it, she explains her journey of pre-marital sex, years of guilt, the shameful first couple years of marriage, and her understanding of forgiveness and redemption. If you are struggling with any of these issues, and have not already read her book, I highly recommend it. She covers many topics; from modesty, to getting over giult, to receiving forgiveness through Christ. Visit danielletate.org or Thrive Ministries on Facebook. Her book is available for purchase both on her blog and through Amazon at http://amzn.to/2jenRyC
Sex is better if you wait until you’re married – true or false?
Like tons of other Christian kids, I grew up hearing this all the time, but never totally understood what it meant. I assumed it meant that once you were married, sex was far more fun and sensational than it would otherwise have been before marriage. I guessed it meant that once we said “I do,” sex was suddenly so much better than it was. This aspect is not true. There is no real magic that happens when that wedding ring slides on your finger. No fairy dust falls from the ceiling that suddenly makes sex “all of a sudden better.”
But it is true that sex is a better experience once you are married – in a committed, life-long relationship. Intimacy is better in marriage in the sense that there is no guilt, no shame, no dishonor, and no embarrassment. In marriage you are free to do whatever you want. Literally. Once those vows are said, God gives you the green light to enjoy your spouse in whatever capacity you want to. With marriage comes freedom. Sex is better within the confines of marriage because it is following God’s design. Therefore, God’s grace and approval are all over you and your new spouse’s love making. God loves when husbands and wives delight in each other. That was His plan. It blesses His heart to see them using sex to honor and love one another. Between a husband and wife, sex heals and reunites. Sex is a sort od “spiritual salve,” if you will, that heals broken hearts and damaged relationships. When I am struggling, and my husband loves me in the way only he can, I am healed. I feel strengthened. Uplifted and rejuvenated. What do you believe about sex?I have heard many stories from parents who lost their babies or other tragedies struck their family, who, in the darkest time of their suffering, simply made love. They say it is not only the best intimacy they have ever had, but it healed their broken hearts and brought them closer than they had ever been in all their years of marriage. Sex was created by God to heal and restore.
I also believe, however, that when sex is had outside of a marriage covenant, God not only frowns upon it, but He is hurt by the wrong way sex is being used. There is no grace for it outside of marriage. Pre-marital sex causes pain instead of healing. Guilt, shame, and feelings of worthlessness are the only things that result from it. Only between a husband and wife does intimacy bring healing, heath, and wholeness.